Responsibility 199, what is it?

Responsibility 199 is a belief; I believe that to be healthy and to increase my longevity I need to weigh 199 pounds or less...
Responsibility 199 is a need; I need to reduce my weight, reduce my percentage of body fat, and the elevated threat of disease my present condition presents...
Responsibility 199 is a mission; I recognize that achieving 199 will be a challenge, perhaps the hardest I have ever undertaken...
Responsibility 199 is a commitment; I acknowledge that I must commit to action, commit to change, commit to myself and those I love to achieve this mission, to increase my longevity...
Responsibility 199 is ME.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Day 336-338: Beast Is Back, Rd. 3

Back on March 1st I shared that I needed to have spots on my forehead and right eyebrow removed. Inspired by my brush with melanoma in situ (very very early start of melanoma) on my right face cheek last September I decided to exercise some precaution and have this forehead spot looked at & removed this month. You can see the spot in the picture above taken last fall; there I was modeling the yoga towel I won from Jody and as well you can see the bandage on my cheek from having that spot removed.

On March 3rd I had the forehead and right eyebrow procedure done; I also had the surgeon fix part of the scar on my cheek that didn't heal well due to an uncooperative hair follicle. Don't I look like a mess...

When they removed the spots they send them off for biopsy to rule in or out whether any cancer cells are present; standard procedure. At the end of last week I received those results...

All is good on the right eyebrow, just sun damage that caused that spot.

All is not good on the forehead spot, positive for melanoma.

Since then I have not been myself. To be honest I've been a mixed bag of pissed off, despondent and absent minded. I've always had this natural-ability to shelve or back-burner my own problems when it comes time to attend to lifes 'normal' activities. Thus when it was time this weekend to go to the gym with my wife, or take the boys to a movie, or go out to dinner with my in laws; I just parked the fog that is my mind and participated as if nothing was wrong, nothing to be concerned about was present.

I've also always had this natural-ability to be brutally-real with myself when I understand or recognize the gravity of what is before me. And I am so very anxious to exercise that ability. But the problem is I don't know the gravity as I sit here & type this a.m.... and I wont know for a couple of weeks yet.

This Thursday I go for a consultation with a surgical oncologist for a procedure that will determine (I hope) whether the melanoma has had sufficient time to settle into one or more lymph nodes or beyond. Thursday is a long way away.

Until I know the true gravity I will do my best to back-burner the anxiety & emotional baggage I've found myself uncharacteristically picking up. Until I know I'll do my best to focus on being healthy, on being there for all who depend on me, on bringing fun to each day. Until I know...

Responsibility 199 - Gotta Do It!!


  1. Patrick, your anxiety is certainly understandable. Thank you for your honesty. Of course you are pissed - who wouldn't be? And all these other emotions. Like you, I can go about life as if there is nothing wrong, when I am mentally wrestling with a difficult situation or relationship or hurting, or desperately worried or anxious about something. You will get through this, and deal with whatever the news is. Until then, prayers and hugs!

  2. I'm just glad you are taking care of yourself. I am sending prayers and good thoughts your way. You are an amazing person. I know myself I couldn't just put it on the back burner. I think that is a wonderful trait to have (after handling things). Hope you will get good news.

  3. its good that you are being upfront with your self as much as you can be. only let yourself.
    I am glad you got everything taken care and found out about it. I hope everything goes smoothly for you from here.
    hang in there and I am sending hugs your way.

  4. Yikes. That sucks, Patrick! I will be thinking of you. But in the meantime, remember that your goal is to be healthy, and that means to exercise your mind and soul, to feed it good foods. Don't use this as excuse to derail yourself. You are on a journey for healthfulness--don't lose track of that! HUGS!!!

  5. Praying, Patrick. I would like to go have some spots checked out myself but need to pay upfront. I'm very fair-skinned and do have added lumps and spots, BUT skin tags and things also run in the family. YUCK! LOL!

    Anyway, I'll be stalking your blog for an update!!!

  6. I will be thinking of you too. Take care of yourself.

  7. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way. So sorry you have to go through this again. Please email me if you need to vent or just need some support.

  8. I am so sorry to read that. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. Please let us know as soon as you learn the prognosis.

  9. Same here, Patrick. I am thinking of you. I have always admired your honesty, confidence and diligence...all good traits to handle whatever lies ahead.


  10. I will be thinking good thoughts for you, Patrick. Hopefully you caught this early. Please keep us posted.

  11. Patrick, I am so sorry you are going thru this! I hope you are able to focus on your great strides in health in the meantime.

    I have a very close friend that has gone thru this - has had many spots removed & has a great doc that uses this cream that she put on the areas to bring it to the surface or not... something newer I guess. And yes, she had lots of parts cut out of her for testing as she grew up in Palm Springs, CA

    If you want me to find out more & the name of this cream, let me know - you can email me.


  12. I'm thinking of you Patrick. Please take care of yourself and beat this damn thing, k? We need to talk football because there WILL be football later in the year. Luv ya.

  13. Patrick the not knowing is the hardest part sometimes. Try to hang in there until you know what you're up against. Until then, my thoughts and hopes are with you. Know that the progress you've made toward health affects everything. No matter what the outcome on Thursday, you'll be ready. Keep us posted. (Oops...pun... Ha ha)

  14. I'm definitely thinking of you Patrick and keeping you in my prayers!!
    I agree that the not knowing has to be very hard to deal with.

  15. Sending prayers your way!
    This reminds me I need to get some spots checked. Melanoma runs in my family.

  16. I hate the beast. It's a beast I've met before. I will definitely have you and your family in my prayers. You're right, the waiting is awful and I totally understand the disconnect between everyday life and this possible serious intrusion. Hang in there. This beast can be beaten. I'm having my own little duel with another beastie this week--we can compare notes.

  17. I am sorry to hear this Patrick. I will be thinking of you

  18. You're in my thoughts Patrick...hoping that it is just superficial and has not spread.

  19. Sorry to read of your medical report..medical issues can be very stressful I should know. I have been dealing with them for 7 years now. Cancer snuck up on my family 2 months ago my sister felt a lump on her neck went in for a biopsy and is now on her 3rd dose of radiation and chemo.She has hotchkins lymphoma! So health is nothing to mess around with. She caught it quick! I hope that everything turns out well!

  20. Oh Patrick I am so sorry to hear this, I will be praying for you. I can imagine how you are feeling, I hope that you have good news and that is has not spread. know I am thinking about you.

  21. I just wanted to check in and say . . . I don't know what to say brotha. I have a heart full of hope for you . . . and . . . I need to have my doctor take my concerns about my red forehead spot more seriously. As always, thanks for sharing your story with us.