On March 3rd I had the forehead and right eyebrow procedure done; I also had the surgeon fix part of the scar on my cheek that didn't heal well due to an uncooperative hair follicle. Don't I look like a mess...
When they removed the spots they send them off for biopsy to rule in or out whether any cancer cells are present; standard procedure. At the end of last week I received those results...
All is good on the right eyebrow, just sun damage that caused that spot.
All is not good on the forehead spot, positive for melanoma.
Since then I have not been myself. To be honest I've been a mixed bag of pissed off, despondent and absent minded. I've always had this natural-ability to shelve or back-burner my own problems when it comes time to attend to lifes 'normal' activities. Thus when it was time this weekend to go to the gym with my wife, or take the boys to a movie, or go out to dinner with my in laws; I just parked the fog that is my mind and participated as if nothing was wrong, nothing to be concerned about was present.
I've also always had this natural-ability to be brutally-real with myself when I understand or recognize the gravity of what is before me. And I am so very anxious to exercise that ability. But the problem is I don't know the gravity as I sit here & type this a.m.... and I wont know for a couple of weeks yet.
This Thursday I go for a consultation with a surgical oncologist for a procedure that will determine (I hope) whether the melanoma has had sufficient time to settle into one or more lymph nodes or beyond. Thursday is a long way away.
Until I know the true gravity I will do my best to back-burner the anxiety & emotional baggage I've found myself uncharacteristically picking up. Until I know I'll do my best to focus on being healthy, on being there for all who depend on me, on bringing fun to each day. Until I know...
Responsibility 199 - Gotta Do It!!
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